The Joy of Weddings
Getting engaged, for most people, is synonymous with joy. Everything about the occasion is joyous! How he actually asked you, the beauty of your ring, the idea of planning a wedding, and on and on. Oh, what an absolutely happy time it is and yes, it is really important to hold onto that joy.
On the face of it, planning your wedding, getting lots of fun ideas, finding the perfect dress for you, choosing bridesmaids’ dresses, and all of the other amazingly wonderful activities that go into planning a wedding, are great fun BUT remember, it is the beginning of planning your lives together and bonding two families and that can present you with challenges. It is at that point that you have to “hold onto the joy”….no matter what.
Whether you are the bride or the groom, the mother of the bride, the mother of the groom, the grandmother of the bride or groom or a person of influence in their lives, remember to be a loving and congenial balm, don’t be a fly in the joy ointment.
Having been responsible for planning and executing nine weddings of our own and each other’s children over the past sixteen years, your Two Chums know a thing or two about the importance of detail and beautiful outcomes. But, beautiful outcomes are the result of much more than the outward, physical beauty of an event. What have you gained if the room is beautiful but people are not speaking to each other, or worse yet, are talking about each other? Planning your wedding is just a microcosm of the love and compromise that are necessary for a successful life together and a happy marriage.
When you feel your jaw tightening, and we can assure you, this will happen, take a deep breath and remember what it is you are planning and the importance of love in this activity. We all come to the table with different expectations and ideas about what will make something a “perfect day”:
A note to the bride –
While this is your special day, it is not the time to wield the club of “It’s my day, you’ll do it my way”. While you are the “queen of the day”, a real queen has both the responsibility and privilege of caring about other people’s feelings and needs as well. No one wants to go down in history as having been a selfish queen or as they are commonly referred to “a bridezilla”! There is NEVER any beauty in THAT!
Remember, this is a celebration of love so use that quality as much as you can, whenever you can.
A note to the mother of the bride –
This is your first foray into the mother-in-law relationship. This is your chance to set the tone for what your relationship will be with your future son-in-law. Think about what you would like that relationship to look like, then choose your words and actions accordingly.
Whether you are paying for this celebration or someone else is paying, do not use your check book as a club to demand certain outcomes. Decide to give freely and lovingly or do not give at all. This does not mean that you will not have opinions and that you should not share them, but do not turn your opinions into ultimatums.
Remember, this is your daughter’s day. You are there to help facilitate creating the day your daughter has always dreamed of. It should be her dreams and not necessarily yours. She may express the desire for things that are unrealistic or that go against your sensibilities, so compromise and patience and above all, love, are going to be much-used qualities. They will carry you through. What will you have gained if you get your way and lose your daughter’s happiness in the process?
A note to the mother of the groom –
The saying goes, “Wear beige and be quiet”. We don’t buy into this! But, here again, you can become the stereotypical dreaded, pushy mother-in-law or a loving confidante and friend to your future daughter-in-law. Choose wisely.
Other persons of significance –
Generally speaking, there are way too many opinion givers and very few encouragers in this process. Establish yourself, right now, in this couple’s life as one who encourages, believes and hopes the best, and loves at all times. When things are going sideways, and they will, be that person who brings balance and encouragement to the situation. It will be appreciated for years to come.
So to sum all this up remember…Attitude is everything as you embark on this journey of bringing two families together. It may be only the bride and groom who stand at the alter but no two people ever got there all by themselves. Your family has played a roll in getting you to this place and they are figuratively standing there with you, and will be supporting you throughout your life together if all goes as it should. If you approach everything with an attitude of love, your journey will be much smoother and joyful for all. Take time in the process to communicate well. Sit down with a cup of tea or coffee and some cookies and talk through any rough spots. A good cookie and a cup of tea can go a long way in soothing tension. Put a smile on your face and in your heart and we guarantee you will know the satisfaction not only of a beautiful wedding day but a beautiful life for years to come.
Here’s to years full of love, joy and abundant living,
What could be more appropriate for any wedding planning or discussion than Wedding Cookies! In fact these are good any time for any reason, whether you are planning a wedding or not. We tend to think any excuse is a good excuse for a cookie
1 cup butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup powdered sugar, plus additional for coating baked cookies
½ teaspoon almond extract
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour, plus a bit more for your hands
1 cup pecans, chopped finely
Preheat your oven to 275 degree. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper or use a Silpat liner. In your electric mixer, cream the butter and sugar at low speed until smooth. Beat in the almond extract. On a very low speed gradually add the flour. Next mix in the pecans. With floured hands, take out about 1 tablespoon of dough and roll into a ball. Keep dusting your hands with flour as necessary. Place the cookie ball onto the prepared cookie sheets. Bake for 40 minutes. While they are still warm, but cool enough to handle, roll in powdered sugar. Cool on wire racks. Now make some coffee or tea and let the conversation flow